Words of Wisdom

I am sick. Pretty sure it's either the worst cold I've ever had or the flu, not the swine flu per se, but the good old, regular, seasonal flu. Remember that one? Seems like we all, or at least I, have forgotten there was a regular flu you could get. Well I've got it. Started with a snotty nose and sore throat yesterday and progressed to fever, chills, and body aches today. Good times. Thanks to my wonderful husband and NyQuil I was able to go to bed at 8:00 p.m. last night but I still struggled today. It is safe to say that I was NOT looking forward to going to church tonight. I am leading a small group based on a sermon series our minister is doing right now called "standing up lying down." The series is based on characters in the Bible who demonstrated great acts of faith, but did so at great cost to themselves. We talked about Peter last week and how he had to lay down his pride in order to walk with Jesus and our subject this week was Esther. I had never read the book of Esther and in fact couldn't even find it at first (it is very small and right before Job in the Old Testament in case you're wondering). Esther is a great read and I highly recommend it and basically our discussion tonight was to be about risk. I felt miserable about an hour before church, had a definite fever, was hacking up a storm, and just really, really, really didn't want to go to church. My sense of duty won out though as this group is open to anyone in the church to attend so I would have felt horrible had I bailed and someone had shown up to participate. So I went. And wouldn't you know it, I felt fine throughout the entire "class." I forgot all about my aches and pains and just enjoyed the fellowship and conversation with the people who attended. My fever broke at some point as my cheeks were bright red and I was soaking wet with sweat when I left, but I felt fine. I just think it's funny how God brought me to that place tonight for a reason and I was rewarded with good health (even if only for an hour and a half) for my efforts in attending!! But the real reward I received by attending came from a friend. My friend Amy shared a quote with us that I loved and is the real purpose of this blog entry. I told it to Ben tonight while he was taking a shower and he said "hmmm. I like it." I agree. "You have to pray like it is all up to God and act like it is all up to you." Though my aches and pains are slowly returning, the boys are quiet in their beds, and I am planning to retire now too with those words in my heart. PRAY like it's all up to God, but ACT like it's all up to me. I like it.

Butler Bloopers

This story actually took place several weeks ago, but it keeps popping in my mind (and making me laugh) and I thought Ben might appreciate it someday when he is a dad (or an uncle) and is faced with the same situation Uncle Craig was. I will warn you this is an R-rated blog so stop reading if you are easily offended. Uncle Craig and his best friend since elementary school or middle school I think, Bobby, kindly took Benjamin to a Butler basketball game recently. They were evidently seated near some rowdy fans from the opposing team who were unimpressed with the calls the referrees were making. At one point a fan yelled "come on you A_ _ H O L E!" (I'll let you fill in the blanks). Ben looked up at Craig and innocently asked "Uncle Craig, what is an a _ _ h o l e?" Craig very appropriately responded that it was a really mean word and he would be in big trouble if he ever repeated it. That was enough for Ben and they resumed watching the game. A short time later, the fired up fan was upset at a "missed" call and yelled "Oh, come on you P _ _ _ Y!!" (the blanks here spell out a word that rhymes with wussy). My brother quickly lowered his head and began thinking "no no no please no" as he waited for the inevitable turn of Ben's head in his direction as he, again, innocently inquired of his beloved uncle, "Uncle Craig, what is a p _ _ _ y?" My brother just hung his head and was at a loss for words and evidently the lady behind them put her hand on Craig's shoulder and, laughing, said some supportive words about how hard it was to be a parent in these situations, to which Craig replied "you don't understand, this is my sister's kid and she is going to kill me when I bring him home with this colorful new language!!" My brother warned me about the dialog that took place during the game and I assured him that I was not mad and thought he handled the situation perfectly. The highlight of this story came later in the evening when Ben was telling me about the "angry" fan who kept yelling bad words. I asked him what the words were and he turned beat red and I said it was okay, just this once he could tell me what he heard and then we would never repeat them. He told me the first word and then on the second one he said this: "Mom, you'll never believe it. They were saying really bad stuff. Uncle Craig said we can never, never say what they were say." What were they saying, I asked, it's okay, you can tell me just once. "Mom. They were calling people pussycats!!!" :)

A few of my favorite things

I am really tired. I'm not sure what is going on with me but I'm not sleeping well at night and am exhausted during the day. My transcription work is not available when I want it to be so I am frustrated with having to type in the evenings after the kids go to bed in order to complete my line count and my PeyBack Foundation work load is starting to build as we are in the middle of our grant review process. On top of that being a "stay at home" mom doesn't afford me much respite. I know I'm preaching to the choir as many people reading this right now are in the exact same boat. In MOPS last week we talked about pioneer women and how they did everything for their families without complaint and didn't even know what the word vacation meant. Well, I am not a pioneer woman, nor would I have survived very long during pioneer days. I am tired!

But lucky for me, in addition to the work issues and unpleasant tasks that threaten at times to overtake my life, my days have also been spent with a few of my favorite things:

Thing 1:

Thing 2:

Thing 3:

The boys and I have been baking a bunch lately. We have discovered a new apple muffin recipe we love and also made peanut butter kisses (cookies) for their teachers and grandparents for valentine's day.

Joey's favorite part was sampling the final product!

After a 3-week hiatus from traveling to Lafayette to spend time with Brookie (due to chicken pox, bad weather, etc.) the boys and I were dying to see our girl and weren't going to let a few icy roads keep us away any longer. We slip slided our way north and were rewarded with a huge smile and excited jumps and wiggles from our little lady. And it was nice to see sissy too!

We had a great day with Brookie B and also have enjoyed playing in the snow AGAIN this week.

In addition to playing in the snow our days are filled with a lot of this: and WAY too much this: I have to say, I am over the white stuff. It is so pretty (for a day or two) and it brings my boys such thrills, but my back can't take much more shoveling and my nerves can't handle driving on the ice covered roads any longer either. Winter be gone. Until the first blades of grass peek through the dirt and the sun begins to shine longer than 5 minutes at a time I will "simply remember my favorite things and then I won't feel so bad." Please feel free to insert an eye roll here; that was pretty bad :)

Mallory's Vest

Having a sister with special needs provides the wonderful opportunity to teach my kids about how we are all special and unique and we should love and appreciate the differences in people. Ben has had a lot of questions about Aunt Mal-Mal lately and it is hard for me to put into words my thoughts on Mallory and how much I love her and how badly I want him to love and appreciate her. Ben, for the most part, really enjoys time spent with Mallory, but emotionally and developmentally they are awfully close in "age" and thus sometimes butt heads. Ben gets frustrated with Mallory, Mal finds Ben to be annoying, etc., etc. Mal is more slow motion and Ben is all systems go all the time so it is hard for them to find a happy medium in which to play. Last night while making dinner, Ben and Joey were at the kitchen table playing with play-doh and coloring and Ben said "I know why Mal-Mal can't write. She has a vest." Huh? Upon further questioning and Ben's repeated insistence that "Mallory can't write because Nana said she has a vest she wears" I finally was able to decode his words and said "Do you mean Mallory has a disability?" Oh yea, Benjamin says, that's it! No idea how a vest came from disability but there you have it,

A SUPERb time

Dean and I just returned from a wonderful trip to South Florida to attend Super Bowl XLIV. Though the outcome was horrible (Saints won in case you are living under a rock), we had a great time in the sunshine with some of our favorite friends. The trip would not have happened at all without the extreme kindness of my mom who gave up her entire weekend and then some to stay with the boys. The best part was that she still had a smile on her face when we returned on Tuesday so the boys must not have completely pushed her over the edge!

This post would be 15 pages long if I went into full details of the trip, but here is a snapshot of the weekend:

• A winter storm came through central Indiana the afternoon/evening before our 6:00 a.m. Saturday morning flight, which caused us to panic that we never would even make it down to Florida. We ended up leaving our house around 3:45 a.m. and slip slided our way to the airport, seeing a car do a 360 on 465 and a semi trailer jackknife 100 yards in front of us. We were able to board our flight to Atlanta on time, but then had delays for de-icing due to "a lot of ice buildup on our plane." Yikes. We safely made it to Atlanta but had to sprint (literally) nearly 1 mile to our connecting gate. We arrived to have them tell us our seats had been given away...but then more seats magically became available (?) and we were able to slip breathlessly into our seats. The flight was a horrible one for me, lots of turbulence and I have never been more air sick in my life. We landed (finally) in Orlando where we went to pick up our rental (a white Chrysler Sebring convertible), Dean got in a fight with Espanol the car guy (not really but it was humerous to see their interaction) and then we picked up Cherrlynn and Ethan (who had flown in the night before from Austin, TX) and began our 3 hour journey to Hollywood, Florida...our home for the next few days.
• After checking into our hotel we began our "pub crawl" through Hollywood with Cherrylynn, Ethan, Kevin and Lisa Flinn, Jim and Marilynn Wernke, and Todd and Sandy Linville and also met up with Shad Fox (one of Dean's friends/neighbors since childhood). We stopped for nachos and beer at the first bar, then hit up a martini bar, and finally landed at the Iguana Pines. The last bar was hosting a party for Colts fans and there were at least 500+ fans in attendance. It was a dance club atmosphere and a lot of fun. When we left I asked one of the 5 police officers outside to help us get a cab, which he did and when asked if he hated nights like this or if it was fun to see all the drunk, happy people, he responded "Honestly? I have never seen so many white people here in my life." Nice.

• Game day began with sunny skies and excited fans everywhere. We all proudly sported our Colts gear and made our way to the stadium by about 12:30 p.m.
• We all had fun checking out the fan experience filled with interactives and live tapings of NFL today, etc. We met up with tons of friends from home and just really had a great day.
• We headed into the stadium around 4:30 p.m., about an hour and a half before kickoff. We went up to check out our seats and I immediately saw my brother down on the field!

• We snuck our way down to lower level seats and checked out the view from closer to the field.
• It was finally time for the game to begin and I had butterflies in my belly. Ethan and Cherrylynn switched seats with the couple next to us so the four of us were together. We had Jim Nantz behind us (not really, but he wouldn't stop giving a running commentary of the game, prompting Dean to inquire whether the person next to him was blind, thus necessitating the play by play!). Later in the first half Jim Nantz nearly knocked me out with his binoculars (though he claimed he "didn't see me there and didn't mean to graze my head." Um, I was in my SEAT and he smashed in my skull, so not sure how that was grazing, but bygones.) Needless to say, we were not fans of Jim.
• The pregame show was great. Queen Latifah sang America the Beautiful and Carrie Underwood the Star Spangled Banner. I love a good marching band and it was cool to see them spell out Saints and Colts on the field.

• Though the Saints fans clearly outnumbered the Colts fans, we were in a section filled with blue and had fun cheering as loud as we could...but not on offense. I had fun "flashing" my #29 jersey everytime Joe-Joe had a good run!
• The halftime show featured The Who. The staging and lights were impressive, but I am not a big fan of their music, so thought the show was kind of boring. And really long.
• The second half just pretty much blew from the get go. The onside kick to start off the half really seemed to take the wind out of the sails of all the Colts fans in the stadium and, unfortunately, the Colts team. It was so sad and a really dissapointing end to a terrific season.
• We made our way back to Hollywood to drown our sorrows in some pizza and then hit the sack. A fire alarm woke us up at 2 a.m. (to which Cherrlynn inquired "what kind of 12-year-old pulls the fire alarm?). We managed to get back to sleep and were suprised to see that the sun did in fact come up the next morning despite the Colts loss the night before.
• After a trip to South Beach (hated it) and then back to Hollywood for lunch with Kevin and Lisa, we took Cherrylynn and Ethan to the airport and then made our way up to Orlando. Stubborn as we are, Dean and I insisted on having the top down on the convertible, but had to have the heat cranking on our feet in order to not freeze to death as the sun was shining, but it was still only about 70 degrees and obviously windy in the car.
• Dean and I went out to dinner and headed to bed early Monday night. We had switched our flight to a nonstop flight the next morning as, once again, a storm system was coming through Indiana and we were concerned that we might not make it home.
• The flight home was uneventful...well except for the fact that the guy in front of me read the USA Today OUTLOUD to his wife and the guy next to me across the aisle threw up the entire flight (seriously, the entire flight, I think he went through 7 barf bags). We made it though and I was so excited to see my boys.

I told Dean that I was really grateful this weekend -- not only for the much needed time away with my husband -- but also the trip reminded me how much I need sunshine!! The boys have not been on their best behavior latey and my patience has been at an all time low. Winter in Indiana is a lonely season filled with clouds and cold temperatures. Prior to this weekend it had been weeks since I felt the sunshine on my face and I forgot how mood altering that can be. I am now setting my sights on spring and can't wait for the days of sunshine to get here so my boys and I can lose our 'tudes and get outside and play. Thanks for a great getaway Dean (and Mom). I love you!

The Best Part

You know what the best part of my day was yesteday? It certainly wasn't the part where Joey was unmanagable at Borders, running around like a wild banshee. Nor was it my awesome morning workout featuring great people watching yesterday morning (who drinks coffee while working out?). The highlight wasn't getting to spend a couple hours with my baby sister, though that was pretty great. I miss my Mal Mal. The best part. The very best part occured after we got home from our morning spent with Mal and I lay Joey down to nap. I was exhausted. I mean, can't keep your eyes open kind of exhausted. I told Ben I was going to lay down in my bed with him and watch a movie and take a 30 minute nap. I NEVER do this. Seriously. I bet I literally take a nap or lie down during the week to watch a movie rather than work, clean, etc. MAYBE once a month at best. So Ben and I snuggled into my bed under a big blanket and I promptly passed out. A short 15 minutes later the phone rang and woke me up and I decided I should go back to work. I got up and Ben said, "will you please just read my new shark book with me for a minute? Just a couple pages?" And I did. A milestone. I really wanted to go tackle the mountain of work that I thought I needed to get done, but I chose instead to lay back down with Ben and we read the Shark book cover to cover. It was the best 20 minutes of my day. And the best part is, even with that time spent lying down with Ben rather than working, I still managed to get some work done. And even though Dean came home to a messy house last night, we all survived and the evening was none the worse for it. Funny how that happens, huh? Lesson learned...for now. Thanks for my best part, Benny.

Random Pictures

I came across some random pictures from the past month that I liked and thought I would share:

We had an impromptu playdate with Cherrylynn, Ethan, and Cadalyn at Monkey Joe's when they were in town after Christmas. The boys had a blast and Joey's sweaty smile pretty much sums up the experience!!

The above pictures were snapped at Benny's first Bar!!! My parents, Ben, and I went to the wedding of one of Mallory's care providers and the reception was at the bar the couple met in. They had rented out the bar for the night so Ben was able to go and boy did he think he was cool. He sat with my dad all night and I loved watching them enjoy each other.

My friend and college roomate Angela came to visit two weekends ago and the day of the AFC Championship game she thought it was hilarious that my entire family was dressed in Colts gear. She insisted on taking a picture and despite the fact that Joey looks miserable (he was diagnosed with bronchitis the next day) I thought it turned out pretty cute. It is not often that we get a family picture so it was extra special!

Bouncing Our Worries Away

I think sometimes people assume that being a stay-at-home mom means that your days are just one big party; yours to fill with either limitless play or lingering relaxation and rest. I suppose this may be true for an actual stay-at-home mom, though I highly doubt it, but as a work-at-home mom I can tell you that it is truly the opposite. I feel like I try to cram as much "stuff" as possible into each day and there never seems to be enough hours to tackle my ever growing to-do list. And don't even get me started on working mothers; I have NO idea how they find balance in their lives. And SINGLE mothers?!? Please. It is almost too much to even consider. How on earth do they do it?!? I guess it just shows that there is no "easy" way to parent, you just have to find what works best for you and your family and go with it.

Oh, and if you have a supportive community around you that is icing on the cake. Both my mom and mother-in-law live less than 10 minutes away and I would be lost without them. My mother-in-law is always there to help when I am in a jam and a last minute crisis arises. And my mom will literally drop everything (or give up an entire weekend as the case may be) to watch the boys so I can do something for myself like, oh I don't know, go to Miami this weekend for the Super Bowl!!! Thanks mom, you're the best. If I am half the grandmother some day that these two women are Ben and Joey's babies will be lucky little people.

But I digress...back to chaotic days. Mind you this is not even my busy season (that doesn't really come until May) but I am already finding myself overwhelmed by the minutiae of my daily activities and not able to be the kind of mom that I imagined myself to be when I quit my full time job to spend more time with Ben five years ago. I arise at 5 a.m. each morning and check my email before usually heading to the gym, return at 6:45 and immediately sit down at the computer to start typing for my medical transcription job. I can usually get in one full hour of work with the boys running in and out of the room. I log off at 7:45 a.m. and get the boys breakfast if Dean hasn't already. I usually am in the shower by 8 a.m. and depending on the day am getting Ben and/or Joey ready for school or trying to throw in a load of laundry, clean up the breakfast dishes, etc. We do whatever it is that needs to be done that day and then Joey goes down for a nap between 1 and 2 p.m., Ben has quiet time and I sit back down at the computer to answer PBF emails and resume my medical transcription typing. I try to get in a full 1-1/2 hours to complete my line count at that time and if I don't then I have to type after Joey is in bed, which frustrates me because then it lingers in my head all evening that I have to work still and makes me irritated. In between the kid time and work time I am endlessly cleaning my house, doing laundry, finding a project to tackle (like clean out the linen closet or the refrigerator or my computer desk). I have become obsessed with cleaning and many days have to force myself to stop and play with my kids. What is wrong with me?

The first step at correcting a problem is admitting you have one, right? So, being aware that I need to play more with my kids and not just yell at them to stay off the freshly mopped floor or please try not to destroy the family room while I am cleaning up the kitchen, has made me try to carve out at least a little play time during the day every day. It shames me that I have to actually add this to my mental to-do list but maybe after I get used to it again it will become more natural and I will want to play "guys" rather than scrub the toilets.

To this end I have also reinstated an old tradition in our house of one "fun" day a week where we leave the house, forcing me to simply have fun and not get any work done (house or professional). Last week we went to the Children's Museum this week it was Monkey Joes. The boys were PUMPED when I told them Tuesday morning we were going to go bounce our morning away at the indoor bouncehouse place. They gleefully ate their breakfast, played basketball, ran around, and loaded into the van to head north. Upon arrival it cracked me up that Joey was soooooo excited, not about the bouncers, but about the fact that "football" was on TV. They had ESPN on and were broadcasting live Media Day from the Super Bowl and the Colts players were being interviewed. Joey literally stood and watched for several minutes...with no volume...just enjoying the fact that football was on. What. A. Boy.

Ben took off like a wild banshee and enjoyed literally bouncing from one area to the next. He checked in with me after every slide and was really good. There were maybe 20 other people in the entire place, which meant I could let Ben run around while I supervised Joey, making my life MUCH easier. In typical Ben fashion he made a friend and ran around him all morning. The best though was when the three of us were together and Joey desparately tried to keep up with his big brother.

Joey, Ben, and I climbed, skipped, bounced, and giggled for 2 hours. Both their cheeks were bright pink when the fun was done and they was exhausted. I love days when I get to just enjoy my boys and not worry about the fact that I am not getting anything done. Actually, I probably got a lot more done on Tuesday than I usually do. I may not have checked anything off my to-do list, but I did remind my boys that they are loved, appreciated, and that I enjoy spending time with them. I reminded them that I am not just a task-master and disciplinarian, but I am also fun. I reminded them that it is important to me to play with them and experience what is important to them.

I love my boys so much. They drive me nuts on a daily basis but the love is always there. Unwaivering, uninhibited, unending love.