Bouncing Our Worries Away

I think sometimes people assume that being a stay-at-home mom means that your days are just one big party; yours to fill with either limitless play or lingering relaxation and rest. I suppose this may be true for an actual stay-at-home mom, though I highly doubt it, but as a work-at-home mom I can tell you that it is truly the opposite. I feel like I try to cram as much "stuff" as possible into each day and there never seems to be enough hours to tackle my ever growing to-do list. And don't even get me started on working mothers; I have NO idea how they find balance in their lives. And SINGLE mothers?!? Please. It is almost too much to even consider. How on earth do they do it?!? I guess it just shows that there is no "easy" way to parent, you just have to find what works best for you and your family and go with it.

Oh, and if you have a supportive community around you that is icing on the cake. Both my mom and mother-in-law live less than 10 minutes away and I would be lost without them. My mother-in-law is always there to help when I am in a jam and a last minute crisis arises. And my mom will literally drop everything (or give up an entire weekend as the case may be) to watch the boys so I can do something for myself like, oh I don't know, go to Miami this weekend for the Super Bowl!!! Thanks mom, you're the best. If I am half the grandmother some day that these two women are Ben and Joey's babies will be lucky little people.

But I digress...back to chaotic days. Mind you this is not even my busy season (that doesn't really come until May) but I am already finding myself overwhelmed by the minutiae of my daily activities and not able to be the kind of mom that I imagined myself to be when I quit my full time job to spend more time with Ben five years ago. I arise at 5 a.m. each morning and check my email before usually heading to the gym, return at 6:45 and immediately sit down at the computer to start typing for my medical transcription job. I can usually get in one full hour of work with the boys running in and out of the room. I log off at 7:45 a.m. and get the boys breakfast if Dean hasn't already. I usually am in the shower by 8 a.m. and depending on the day am getting Ben and/or Joey ready for school or trying to throw in a load of laundry, clean up the breakfast dishes, etc. We do whatever it is that needs to be done that day and then Joey goes down for a nap between 1 and 2 p.m., Ben has quiet time and I sit back down at the computer to answer PBF emails and resume my medical transcription typing. I try to get in a full 1-1/2 hours to complete my line count at that time and if I don't then I have to type after Joey is in bed, which frustrates me because then it lingers in my head all evening that I have to work still and makes me irritated. In between the kid time and work time I am endlessly cleaning my house, doing laundry, finding a project to tackle (like clean out the linen closet or the refrigerator or my computer desk). I have become obsessed with cleaning and many days have to force myself to stop and play with my kids. What is wrong with me?

The first step at correcting a problem is admitting you have one, right? So, being aware that I need to play more with my kids and not just yell at them to stay off the freshly mopped floor or please try not to destroy the family room while I am cleaning up the kitchen, has made me try to carve out at least a little play time during the day every day. It shames me that I have to actually add this to my mental to-do list but maybe after I get used to it again it will become more natural and I will want to play "guys" rather than scrub the toilets.

To this end I have also reinstated an old tradition in our house of one "fun" day a week where we leave the house, forcing me to simply have fun and not get any work done (house or professional). Last week we went to the Children's Museum this week it was Monkey Joes. The boys were PUMPED when I told them Tuesday morning we were going to go bounce our morning away at the indoor bouncehouse place. They gleefully ate their breakfast, played basketball, ran around, and loaded into the van to head north. Upon arrival it cracked me up that Joey was soooooo excited, not about the bouncers, but about the fact that "football" was on TV. They had ESPN on and were broadcasting live Media Day from the Super Bowl and the Colts players were being interviewed. Joey literally stood and watched for several minutes...with no volume...just enjoying the fact that football was on. What. A. Boy.

Ben took off like a wild banshee and enjoyed literally bouncing from one area to the next. He checked in with me after every slide and was really good. There were maybe 20 other people in the entire place, which meant I could let Ben run around while I supervised Joey, making my life MUCH easier. In typical Ben fashion he made a friend and ran around him all morning. The best though was when the three of us were together and Joey desparately tried to keep up with his big brother.

Joey, Ben, and I climbed, skipped, bounced, and giggled for 2 hours. Both their cheeks were bright pink when the fun was done and they was exhausted. I love days when I get to just enjoy my boys and not worry about the fact that I am not getting anything done. Actually, I probably got a lot more done on Tuesday than I usually do. I may not have checked anything off my to-do list, but I did remind my boys that they are loved, appreciated, and that I enjoy spending time with them. I reminded them that I am not just a task-master and disciplinarian, but I am also fun. I reminded them that it is important to me to play with them and experience what is important to them.

I love my boys so much. They drive me nuts on a daily basis but the love is always there. Unwaivering, uninhibited, unending love.