On The Bright Side

Two weeks left of summer and I am choosing to spend them positively, not focusing on the bad but enjoying all the good that comes from spending time with these crazy boys of mine.  They really are fabulous, despite all the negativity I seem to have posted recently.  A few reasons why...

Benny Rocks!

• This kid is FUNNY.  Ben has always had an advanced sense of humor.  He tells great jokes, makes funny faces, and is always up for a dance party...which is really funny to witness but I'm pretty sure he is dead serious about his moves so maybe don't tell him that I think they are funny.  The are really, really, cool too ;)
• He is a gentleman.  Ben loves the ladies, including (most of the time) me.  He opens doors, carries items, and fetches snacks/drinks for any lady in his company.  I love that.
• He is very in-tune with the emotions of others.  Ben can tell right away if someone is having a bad day and is really bothered by people around him being sad.  Last night I had a tummy ache and Ben was super concerned about my health and wanted me to lay down and feel better.  I believe his exact words were "What's wrong, Mom?  Are you going to die?  Go to bed!"
• He is super easy to travel with.  Benny is always up for an adventure and loves getting out of the house and going just about anywhere.
• When he doesn't think anyone is watching, Ben is a pretty excellent big brother.  He really does love Joe (again, in privacy) and enjoys protecting him and teaching him how to do things.

Joey is AWESOME!

• He is an individual.  Maybe it is his age, but Joey seems completely content in his skin and comfortable with who he is.  And who he is is pretty remarkable!  Joey is all boy and is in constant motion, jumping, running, tumbling, throwing, catching, yelling, etc. but his favorite color is pink and yesterday at church we made a necklace that wasn't big enough to go over his head so he proudly plopped it on top of his head and walked around with his "crown."  He is totally unconcerned by "societal norms" or what other people think about him and I PRAY he keeps this trait forever.  I am jealous of his confidence.
• He has a vision.  Whether doing an art project, setting up a car city, or buildling something with blocks, Joey has a definite idea of how something should look.  I feel like he will be an engineer or something like that when he grows up.  However...
• He is flexible.  I am quite certain this comes from being the second child, but Joey is super laid back about changes in plans.  He may get upset but he will almost always say "Oh-kay" and go along withthe new plan. 
• He is a great singer.  Joey loves music and I love listening to him sing.  He knows almost all the words to every theme song on TV, mainstream radio song/Radio Disney song, and every OAR song he has ever heard.  He has a lovely voice and is so cute when he sings along :)
• He is a lover and a sharer.  As big of a brute as he can be, Joey has such a sweet heart and he really just wants everyone to be content and having fun.  He will share his toys willingly with everyone (except maybe his brother...sometimes that doesn't come quite as easy) and is kind to everyone.  His favorite person on the planet remains his cousin Brookie.  I can already tell that he will be a great protector of her...watch out boys!

It has been super hot lately and we have been forced indoors.  This could have been a recipe for disaster with my wild children but we have actually enjoyed reading books, painting, organizing closets (we actually did enjoy this, they are definitely their parents children), watching movies, building car cities, and just talking.  I think the slower pace was just what we needed.  I love sitting back and watching them in action.  I remain so blessed to be their mom and so proud of the little people they are.

No Winners

Sometimes being a mom stinks.  That's right, I said it.  It stinks.  Today would be one of those days.  I am 33 years old, have been a parent for over seven years and still evidently don't know how to effectively discipline my kids.  It always seems too much or not enough.  I struggle finding the perfect balance.  I know I am just overwhelmed with emotion right now and feeling sorry for myself but I hate feeling like everyone else is "doing it better" than me and just "gets" this whole discipline thing.  I am hard on my kids and I expect a lot out of them....so why is it that consistently my children are the worst behaved in the room?  Surely this is a problem that I have created and I want more than anything to fix it.  I'm seriously asking for help.  Advice is always appreciated. 

The drama for today is as follows...We have a standing pool play date with several of my friends and their kids.  Today there were three moms and 12 kids at the pool.  Usually all of the kids get along great as do the moms (duh) so it has become a known fact in my little circle of friends that Tuesday is the BEST DAY of the week.  We look forward to Tuesday every day.  Today was no exception and since it is 95+ degrees outside with the heat index in the 100s, we all were eagerly anticipating getting wet. 

We headed over to the pool after kickball and arrived around 11:20 a.m.  Everything went smoothly until about 12:00 p.m.  Ben started getting a little bossy with his friends and was giving me some attitude.  All of the kids got out of the pool to eat lunch and the little kids were using a raft as a diving board and jumping in from the side.  Ben decided that he wanted to use the raft so he took it and started swimming away with it.  The little ones freaked out and I told Ben he needed to give it back because the little kids were using it first.  Ben. Freaked. Out.  My SEVEN year old threw a fit like he was a 3-year-old.  Literally, the 3-year-olds were staring at him.  I made him get out of the pool and have a time out, which is ridiculous anyway.  What seven year old needs a time out?  His friends tried to talk to him and he was nasty to them so they gave up and went to do their own thing.  When I told Ben he could change his attitude and get back in the pool he mouthed off and I told him that it was his final warning.  If he had an attitude with me or anyone else in the pool we were leaving.  Well, he couldn't get it together and was still being crabby and I tried to ignore him but then he was running next to the pool and slipped and hit his head.  I am sure it hurt and he did get a goose egg but Ben, becuase he already was in a crabby mood, just lost it.   He was screaming his head off.  I tried to comfort him and so did his friends but he just yelled at us and wouldn't let us near him.  I told him to get it together and that I knew it hurt but he was being hysterical and that wasn't helping anything. 

I got back in the pool and shortly after Ben jumped in and started mouthing off to me again and whining about the raft that he wanted to use.  I took a deep breath, said we were leaving, and got out of the pool to start packing up our stuff.  God love Joey, he didn't throw a fit at all when I said it was time to go.  He went down the slide two more times, climbed out and we were on our way. 

I was furious, embarassed, frustrated, confused, sad...and hot and annoyed that I wasn't still in the pool.  The whole way home I ranted (in as calm a voice as I could muster) about how embarrassed I was and how dissapointed in Ben's behavior,  yadda, yadda, yadda.  I know he wasn't listening to a word I said.  Desparate to come up with something that I could do to "punish" him, I told him that when we got home he was going to spend "the rest of the afternoon" in his room, which really was only going to be until three o'clock because we are leaving then to go to the grocery store, so about two hours.  That got nothing out of him.  So I then said that he could not have his DS the rest of the day.  Still no reaction.  We got home and I told him he needed to call his dad and tell him about how his behavior runined our pool day and made us come home.  That worked.  Ben immediately became hysterical and couldn't even talk to his dad.  It was probably pretty mean of me to do that to Dean; he is really busy and in fact won't be home until after the kids go to bed the next three nights (poor Ben).  Not nice to put that on him but honestly, I don't know what else to do with this kid.  His attitude lately is out of control.  He has been so bossy, cocky, rude, etc. lately and I can't take it anymore.  I really don't know what to do.

I went into his room about 10 minutes after we got home and tried to talk to him like a sane person.  Of course he didn't want anything to do with me.  I told him I loved him but that I was very dissapointed in his behavior.  I left the room and am now sitting typing this and crying.  I don't like making Ben sad but this behavior has got to stop.  No winners today in this lovely little battle.  None.

To My Boys, Regarding Love

Boys:

There are so many things I wish for you.  I wish you peace and happiness.  I wish that you may lead a life that is challenging but rewarding and simple but full of people/experiences that make you happy.  I wish that you may grow in your faith and know that there is a God who loves you and is watching over you.  I wish that you will remember your mom someday when you are a father yourself.  When you are watching your kids play in the backyard and spray each other with hoses, think about your mom and how she used to watch you and your brother do the same thing, her heart so full of love that she thought it might burst.  And make sure you then jump in and win that water gun fight because that is what she did too!

Above all things I wish for you in the future, I wish more than anything that you find love.  I am not just talking about affection or admiration but love.  L.O.V.E.  At the risk of making you nauseous, I am head over heels in love with your dad and there is no other person on earth that could measure up to him in my eyes.  Seriously.  We are nearing our 10 year wedding anniversary next month but have been together about 12 years and it is true that I love him infinitely more today then I ever did back then; and I really, really thought I loved him back then.

I went to a wedding a couple weekends ago with Nana, Aunt Sissy, and Great- Grandma.  It was my cousins wedding and (it's a long story) he was actually having a "church wedding" on his 2-year wedding annivesary.  The first time around they had said their vows in front of a judge so they could live together on the military base my cousin was moving to after graduating from the Air Force Academy.  I thought this whole thing was kind of weird to be honest but couldn't resist a weekend away with my mom and sister so we headed out to Iowa for the festivities.  I can't express how moving the ceremony was.  Watching my cousin and his wife share their vows (again) this time before God, their family, and friends and to see the emotion in their eyes as they stared at each other and promised to choose each other again.  It was beautiful. 

And it is a choice, boys.  Being happily married is a choice you will make every day of your married life.  It is undoubtedly the most important choice you will ever make.  As you well know, I make daddy crazy!!  I am a worrywart, I obsess about EVERYTHING, I am emotional and moody and too often irritable.  But daddy chooses to overlook all of those things and love me anyway.  All of me.  The good, the bad, and the ugly.  You can choose to sweat the small stuff (like I too often do about everything BUT loving your dad) or you can just grin and bear it and love, love, love, love, love the one you're with.  But choose wisely because it probably is a lot harder to do this if you're not with the right partner.

I have been kind of emotional lately leading up to our 10-year anniversary.  It is amazing to see how far we have come and to imagine how far we will go.  Life is hard, but loving your dad is easy.  I have loved him for 12 years now and I will love him for the rest of my life and even long after I'm gone...our love will live on through you and your kids and their kids and their kids and so on and so on.  Let's make that our family legacy, shall we?  Our family loves each other; starting with Dean and Melanie and trickling way on down the line.

I love you so much...and love your daddy probably most of all for giving you to me.

Love,
Mom

Life Is Good

I am feeling really content these days; like everything is just as it should be.  To be honest, sometimes it scares me how happy I am.  This lovely trait of mine drives my husband nuts.  He insists that I look for things to worry about.  He's probably right.  Regardless, every time I find myself looking around and thinking "How did I get all this?  I have everything I have ever wanted.  I don't deserve to be so lucky/happy/fulfilled/in love/loved/content" my next thought is that nervous rumble in the pit of your belly that reminds you, "Oh no.  I really don't deserve all this.  I really can't have it all."  I feel like something has to give but I am not willing to give on anything.  I suppose all I can do is enjoy this smooth, good part of the ride that is life and pray to God that he keeps things "as is" for as long as possible.

It has been a really wonderful summer.  I have spent tons of time with my family and friends.  We have taken some wonderful trips, enjoyed fun outings, and spent quiet (as quiet as it gets in our house at least) time at home.  It has been such a blessing, this summer.  It is hard to believe it is almost over.  I register Ben for 1st grade this week and school starts 3 weeks from tomorrow.  No more lazy days spent in the sunshine chasing balls, riding bikes, and splashing in swimming pools....at least not for Ben.  Joey and I still have several more months potentially to do all those things.  Ha, ha sucker!!  :)

Benny Boo Turns SEVEN!!

How on earth is it possible that I have a 7 year old? Seven. Year. Old. I don’t have a lot of memories of being young but I can vividly remember the day my youngest sister was born and most momvents thereafter…and that was when I was 7 years old. Fo for me, it feels in some strange way, that you really become a “person” at 7 years of age. I know that is strange but in spending time with my firstborn lately I think there might be something to that. He is growing and maturing at a staggering rate these days. Literally growing; his feet are just slightly shorter than mine now, which is a bit upsetting, and I can no longer comfortably hold him on my lap; though I still try every chance I get.

Ben is an awesome kid. He is outgoing, confident, silly, smart, and handsome. He looks just like his daddy and acts, unfortunately, a lot like his mommy. He is constantly on the go and finds it really hard to sit still. He loves playing outside and is most content when he has a ball in his hand, be it a basketball, baseball, soccer ball, or ping pong ball. Ben loves to ride his bike and swim. He is definitely an extrovert and can’t stand to be alone. Ben surrounds himself with friends every chance he gets. When forced to be indoors, Ben likes watching movies, playing with legos, and playing his DS. Ben is an excellent reader but it id not yet an activity that he does on his own without a little encouragement from mom.
Ben adores his grandparents and his cousins. He thinks Brooke and Landon are the two greatest little people on earth. Ben’s best friend is Nathan and he also really enjoys playing with Kevin and Jackson.
Ben is really working on his manners and on being kinder to his friends and his little brother. Ben is a natural leader but is working on not being bossy and on putting others feelings ahead of his own. This is a challenge for Ben but he is really working hard.
It is an absolute joy to have Ben in our lives. We love him so much and are so proud of the wonderful boy he is. Ben is such a big personality that it is sometimes hard for me to even remember the life I had before he was a part of it. He fills my life with fun and makes my days challenging but so fulfilling.

Ben celebrated his birthday on the 4th with a family party.  He had a blast celebratig and then playing a family game of kickball and baseball.  We then watched fireworks with the neighbors and called it a night. 

Ben thought he was sooo cool in this shirt from Uncle Craig and Abby and hat from Aunt Sissy and Uncle Clint

Brookie and Joe loved the gluten free, dairy free popsicles purchased just for my Brookie B...and her Joe Bug :)

Later in the week.  Ben took two of his best buddies, Nathan and Jackson, to an Indians game and had them both spend the night.  We are so lucky that Ben has such great friends.  We all enjoyed spending the evening with them and Joey had a blast celebrating Nana's birthday and spending the night with Uncle Craig and Abby.

Tough Stuff

Benny is definitely at a questioning age and I know the questions are only going to get tougher as he gets older. On two separate occasions during our Chicago/Wisconsin trip this weekend we were faced with the topic of homosexuality. First, on a sidewalk in Chicago there were some guys surveying people. They did not approach us but we did hear them say to someone “Hi, we are for gay rights and wondered if we might ask you a few questions?” First of all, I was a bit offended that they didn’t ask us our opinion. Just because I am with my husband and two young sons does not mean I am not for gay rights, which I am as a matter of fact. Second of all, I am a wimp as my response to Benjamin who tilted his head up to me and said “what’s gay rights?” was “um, I’m not sure. Look at that cool building over there.” Parenting fail.

The second “encounter” was at the wedding. There was a woman who sat in front of us at the wedding and on the way back to the hotel, Dean and I were questioning who she was and Dean had said “I think it was Hailey’s girlfriend.” Sitting in the back seat, Ben piped up “How can a girl have a girlfriend?” Again, taking the wimpy way out, I immediately said “well I have a lot of girl friends, why can’t a girl have a girlfriend?” Dean and I then had a quick quieter converasation about how we are both in agreement that there is nothing wrong with being homosexual and we want to impress equality and acceptance on both of our boys but we just didn’t feel like that was a conversation hat needed to be had at that moment….we were wondering if that was a good choice or a bad choice later on that night when we arrived at the reception and saw that we were seated with Hailey…and her girlfriend. Here we go. You know what? It was fabulous. Katie and Hailey talked about their upcoming wedding in September and I kept waiting for eagle ear Benny to pipe up with questions about two women getting married but he never did. I am so excited to have Katie and Hailey for an example whenever the conversation regarding homosexuality does come up. They are a perfectly normal, happy, loving couple and I think it will be nice for Ben to have a reference point for what a “gay marriage” looks like.
I guess I just don’t feel like there is even a reason to initiate a big conversation about homosexuality. Love is love and it is not our place to judge other people’s choices…it is simply our job to respect and love everyone. I hope that by making homosexuality a “nonissue,” we will show the boys that it is no big deal and not something to be afraid of or really even question. I hope, when faced again with a situation where that conversation naturally arises, I will not be a wimp and will put my big girl pants on and have a candid, open, honest conversation with Ben that is centered around love and acceptance and not on fear or judgment.

Chicago Trip 2011 -- Saturday

Saturday morning we went out for breakfast and visited with Oma , Uncle pete, and Aunt Tammy for a bit. We then went swimming back at our hotel before cleaning up for the wedding. The boys did pretty well duriiing the wedding ceremony. Ben was impressed with the length; “that was a pretty short wedding… Don’t even get me starteeed on sissy’s wedding!!” We went back to our hotel to swim some more and Oma, Uncle Pete, and Aunt Tammy joined us. We then headed to the reception. This would be the low part of the trip. In hind site, it is asking an awful lot of a 3 year old to travel and pack in as much fun and visiting as we did in a four day period. Joey had had it. He was a bit of a terror all during the reception and Dean and I took turns trying to wrangle him. He did manage to dance a bit and loved the cookies that were given away as favors. Ben was great and we were really proud of what a big boy he was.  Despite the rocky end to the trip, it was a WONDERFUL getaway and we all loved spending time together. 

Oma and her boys!

Chicago Trip 2011 -- Friday

Other than not loving the subway, Joey was definitely looking like quite the city boy. He seemed to really love and appreciate walking around the streets of Chicago. Friday morning he and I went for a walk to Dominicks (a grocery store) to get a couple of things and also pick up a prescription…more on that in a moment. I loved watching Joey scurry along the sidewalks and could just sense how content he felt. I asked him if he like Chicago and thought he might live here some day and he said with a serious nod of his head “yes. I love Chicago. I WILL live here some day.”
We were on a prescription picking up mission because sweet Benny Boo, who had gone to bed Thursday night with a slightly watery, pink eye woke up Friday morning with unquestionably full blown pink eye in inboth eyes. After a google search I diagnosed him with allergic conjunctivitis (his allergies have been terrible this year, we’re going to talk to the doctor about that this week at Benny’s annual appointment). Our awesome pediatrician agreed to call in a prescription and we were all set.

After picking up our prescription at a different location since the Dominicks didn’t have it in stock we were back on the road and headed to our surprise destination. ..Legoland. Legoland was awesome and was definitely Joey’s favorite part of the entire trip. He was in awe from the moment we walked in the door . There were amazing lego displays, areas to create your own lego creations, lego car races, and even a couple little amusement park type rides. Joey loved the rides. Benny reluctantly participated in the rides but they were definitely not his favorite. There were two 4D movies shown as well and both boys loved those.
Following lunch at Red Robin after Legoland we headed north to Wisconsin. Traffic was pretty miserable but the boys did a good job, watching Gnomeo and Juliet on the way up. We checked into our hotel and went for a swim before heading to Dean’s aunt Merrie and uncle Kevin’s house to meet up with several family members and the wedding party. The boys were excellent at this little mini family reunion and loved playing on the swingsets with the other little ones (joe) and playing football with the big kids (Ben). We had a great time visiting and it was quite late before we headed back to our hotel.

Chicago Trip 2011 -- Thursday

Thursday morning we woke up and went swimming at the outdoor pool at our hotel. We then headed to the Cubs game…Joey’s first! Joe was a little nervous on the crowded subway. He thought it went too fast and didn’t like being in the dark when it was underground. Ben was a seasoned pro and it didn’t bother him at all.

The boys were in awe of Wrigley and we once again were treated to excellent seats about 20 rows behind home plate…and the best part….in the shade! Benny got a scorecard so that kept him pretty entertained during the whole game. Joey enjoyed watching all the vendors go by and discovered a L.O.V.E. for peanuts. He probably spent 75% of his time shelling peanuts and calling himself the peanut man as he passed them out to all of us.

We had a couple of foul balls come our way but nothing too scary. It was a pretty uneventful game and we left in the top of the 8th inning with the score 2-1 Giants. And that is when things got exciting. Ramirez hit a home run to tie the game in the ninth inning and they ended up going to 13 innings with the Cubs winning on a walkoff homerun. We were back in our hotel room by that point and watching as we all jumped up and down and sang “go Cubs go!” Maybe not quite as exciting as actually being at Wrigley, but a fun little moment nonetheless.
Prior to getting back to our hotel we stopped at the Peninsula where Ang works to visit her and stumbled upon a couple of pups outside…and fell in love. Portuguese Water Dogs (cowboy and twiggy). This is the same breed that President Obama has and I am officially set on finding a PWD that we can rescue and call our own. They were so sweet, mild mannered, AND hypoallergenic. The owner said that HE sheds more than they do!
We joined up with Ang again for dinner on Thursday night for pizza at Giordanos. It was so yummy and we raced home as storm clouds rolled in, making it back to our hotel just in time before the skies opened. It was a pretty wicked storm and Joey and I enjoyed sitting in our window seat and watching it light up the Chicago sky. From our room we could see both the Sears Tower and the Hancock building; it was beautiful. It may have been at that moment that my little bug fell in love with the city.

Chicago Trip 2011 -- Wednesday

As is becoming tradition for our family, we packed up and headed out for a long weekend to celebrate the 4th of July…last year our excuse was taking Benny to Chicago for his first Cubs game; this year we had a wedding to attend in Wisconsin on July 2 so we decided to make a little vacation of it and head up a few days early to spend some time in Chicago.

We headed out on Wednesday morning and arrived in Chicago shortly after noon. Our first destination was Shedd Aquarium. It was awesome. The line to get in was pretty long and the boys did a great job patiently waiting to enter. They immediately plopped down in front of a giant 360 degree aquarium that housed sting rays, sharks, a giant turtle, and even a scuba diver who was feeding animals and answering questions from the audience. I think the boys (and I) could have sat there for hours; it was really cool. In typical Ben fashion, he bravely raised his hand to ask a question (“do the sharks ever attack any of the animals in the aquarium?”). Joey was then intent on asking a question as well, but his pretty much consisted of looking cute and saying “um…um…um…um…um….” Until the tour guide person took pitty on this stuttering little ball of sweetness in front of him and said “do you want to know how much the turtle weighs?” and Joey nodded and was informed that she weighed 120 pounds. Excellent.

The boys really enjoyed looking at all the exhibits, though they did get tired and complained of sore feet. We managed to spend a couple of hours wandering around, though, which is pretty good for my guys. Joey liked the sharks and the seal best and Benny liked the dolphins. Both boys agree, however, that the absolute best part was the 4D movie, Happy Feet, that we watched at the very end of the visit.

We stopped by our hotel, the Doubletree Downtown, and checked in before meeting up with Angela (one of my college roommates). The five of us walked to Navy Pier where we met up with Holly (another college roommate) and her husband Mark for dinner at Harry Carey’s (another Chicago tradition). The boys were not on their best behavior as they were completely exhausted at this point but it was nice to sit outside and enjoy the company at least. We headed back to the hotel and were asleep nice and early after a long day of traveling.